untitled
by joiedevivre2011
Summary: Quote prompt from sashaalexanderisalesbianatheart (tumblr)/Miss Toastie (FFNet): I crave you in the most innocent form. I crave to say good night, and give you forehead kisses, and to say that I adore you when you feel at your worst. I crave you in ways where I just want to be next to you; nothing more or less. [AU of final scene in 4x16]


**Quote prompt from sashaalexanderisalesbianatheart (tumblr)/Miss Toastie (FFNet): I crave you in the most innocent form. I crave to say good night, and give you forehead kisses, and to say that I adore you when you feel at your worst. I crave you in ways where I just want to be next to you; nothing more or less.**

**A/N: This is an AU of the final scene of 4x16. A few lines of dialogue have been borrowed (they're obvious and at the beginning). I hope this does not disappoint her.**

**A/N 2: For some reason, I felt compelled to post this prompt ficlet separately from my other series. I'm not sure why, but I'm not questioning my instincts.**

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"I'm not going," I say softly, glancing away for a fraction of a second. "I'm not gonna marry him." Behind my back, my fingers fidget with the plastic contraption I'm clutching.

The look Maura gives me is sincere, true to who she is in every sense of the word. "I'm so sorry."

My fingers fidget more as I look away again. I've spent the last hour rehearsing at least twenty different conversations with Maura in my head. "Yeah, me, too," I find myself replying, lifting my left shoulder in a light shrug.

"I'm not gonna leave everything to follow him around the world," I confess, finally meeting her eyes mid-sentence. Lips forming a thin line, head shaking the tiniest bit back and forth, I look back down.

Maura remains silent, clearly waiting to see if I have anything else to say, and of course I do, but this is where I have been hesitating in my hypothetical conversations for the last solid sixty minutes, at least.

I bring my hands around in front of me, hoping and praying with everything that I am that the way I'm holding the piece of plastic and how close I'm standing to the kitchen counter will obstruct her view. But still, I fidget because I can't help it. With a deep breath, I finally speak, terrified to meet her eyes. "But making that decision was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be because after he sent me that message, the only thoughts in my head revolved around you."

My voice is cracking and I know I have to find some way to maintain control of my emotions because right now, I know, is by far the most important time in my life to do so. The tears forming in my eyes are burning hot and blur my vision. I take another deep breath to calm myself. "And that made me remember something I read one time that's stuck with me and I can't even tell you if it was a poem, or lyrics, or who even said it, but," I pause for a breath, then look down. I am too nervous to watch her as I recite the words. "It said, 'I crave you in the most innocent form. I crave to say good night, and give you forehead kisses, and to say that I adore you when you feel at your worst. I crave you in ways where I just want to be next to you; nothing more or less.'"

"All of that made me admit one thing to myself, Maura," I say quietly. "I could never leave everything behind to follow Casey around the world because," I pause, feeling like I might choke on my words at any second. "Because _my_ world and the most important thing in it," I look up at her, directly in the eyes, knowing there is no time to hide anymore. "The most important _person_ in it is right here in this very room."

She is looking at me, deer in headlights hazel eyes, her perfectly painted on lipstick-covered lips parted slightly. They close as she swallows nervously and remains standing there silent.

"Maura?" I whisper. My heart is pounding in my chest and my stomach suddenly churns. I have to look down. The look in her eyes is unbearable.

"What's in your hand?" she finally asks, her voice a bit rough, but soft.

I lift the pregnancy test up so she can see it and then lift my own eyes to meet hers, tears hot in my eyes again. I have no idea if what's going to come out of my mouth next will be words or if I'll be sick. Luckily, it's the former. "I think I'm pregnant."

Distress covers her face immediately, then concern. "You_ think_ you're pregnant? What does the test say?"

Worrying my bottom lip between teeth, I then whisper, "I haven't looked at it yet. I took it just before you got here." I look back down at the test, my fingers still covering the results on the miniature screen. My voice finally breaks. "I _can't_, Maur."

I reach my right hand across the counter, fingers clutched around the test. My eyes are closed. I feel her open palm against my knuckles and as if in slow motion, I release my grip on the plastic, my fingertips grazing her palm, dropping the test onto it. Quickly I lower my hand back down in front of me, both handsmoving to fidget together again.

Her fingers close around the test as I open my eyes. She bites her lip. "Before I look, I need you to tell me something first."

Swallowing hard, I croak, "Okay."

"Are you going to change your mind about Casey depending on whether or not you are?"

Deep down, I know Maura's words are not meant to hurt. There is absolutely no malice or bitterness behind them. But they do hurt, at least a little. "Maur," I say softly. "I choose you. I will _always_ choose you. I will always want _you_ and love _you_ more than anything or anyone else in this world."

Long fingers finally unfurl and she then holds the test with both hands, looking down at it intently.

I watch her face closely, see her throat move gently as she swallows. "Did you know," she starts quietly, "that many home pregnancy tests claim to be 99 percent accurate on the first day of your missed menstruation, but many studies have suggested that most of these tests cannot always spot pregnancy that early?"

"Maur," I reply as gently as I can, suddenly not feeling patient enough for her Googlemouth at the moment. "I'm two weeks late. My boobs hurt like hell and normal smelling things are smelling _awful_."

Face still impassive, which irritates me more and more with each passing second, Maura moves around the kitchen counter and hesitantly comes closer to me, leaving only inches between us. With her heels on, we are nearly the same height and my fearful eyes are searching hers, desperately trying to read them.

"Will you let me run my own test tomorrow, just to confirm the results?" she asks.

After a second, I nod.  
**  
**She steps closer to me, our bodies now flush together, and as she moves her right arm to wrap it around my waist, she gently deposits the pregnancy test in her left hand onto the counter before she lifts her left hand and tucks a few unruly curls behind my right ear. Finally she smiles, ever so slightly, though the corners of her eyes still crinkle, and she places a gentle kiss at the corner of my mouth. Another kiss further along my jaw, then another, and another until I finally feel her hot breath on my ear. "You are going to be _the_ sexiest, most beautiful pregnant woman I have ever seen."

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Let me know what you think? This one is special to me.


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